i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize