Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
