do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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