I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
