I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
