That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
