Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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