dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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