I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
