they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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