My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
