It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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