are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
