Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
