What a fucking waste of an outfit
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
