the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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