toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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