My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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