No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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