i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
