i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
