That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are we still banned from the library?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize