you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
