One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize