so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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