dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
