I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
