Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
