he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They took my balls.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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