Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
