we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
