O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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