fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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