Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
