i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize