I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
where are my eyebrows?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
