I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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