I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
