I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize