I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
