k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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