my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
