drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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