Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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