I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
