Jerry, you need to find god
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
