Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
