Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
