after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
