508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
