you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
