my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Drake has all the answers
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
