pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
