Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I seem to have left my pride at pride
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
