My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
