I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
