omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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