It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
