We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
