Is it because I queefed?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
