Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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