It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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