Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
