I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
