my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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