Cold hands, warm shart.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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