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• (248): View more from Michigan

  how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this

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• (917): View more from New York City

  last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks

  (917): View more from New York City

  this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed

  (917): View more from New York City

  he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?

  (718): View more from New York

  messed up. what color are the wings?

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• (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.

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• (212): View more from New York

  maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.

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