Your tits are I can't wait for
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
