I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
